Word Salad II

We are heartbroken to report that despite our best efforts, including sending them a muffin basket, making them a mix CD, and standing outside their window with a boombox blasting Peter Gabriel songs, our talks with the WGA have broken down. Quite frankly, we're puzzled as to why this happened. We talked about it all the way home – after we walked into their hotel room, slapped our list of demands on the table and abruptly left the negotiating session – and none of us could figure out what went wrong.

While we're not going to point fingers or assign blame, we do feel justified in saying that they are entirely at fault. The AMPTP has successfully concluded 306 major agreeements with unions since its founding in 1982, and there has never been an incident like this. Except for that writers' strike in 1985. And the directors' strike in 1987. And that other writers' strike in 1988. Aside from three isolated incidents, however, this strike is completely without precedent.

We believe our New Economic Partnership™ proposal – under which the average salary for writers making between $220,000 and $240,000 would be $230,000 – is the single greatest document since the Magna Carta. And we have proved, over the last five months, that we want writers to participate in producers' revenues. Mostly by repeatedly saying, "we want writers to participate in producers' revenues." Still, we must be clear: Under no circumstances will we knowingly participate in the destruction of this business. If we destroy this business, it will only be through accident and incompetence – that's the AMPTP Pledge®!

Heh.

Which is just what you would expect.

(Though, alas, his version of events does not contain the hundred-foot-high tyrannosaurus.)

...Oh, yeah. Remember that writing/calling campaign I mentioned: Here's an early response. (From UnitedHollywood.com via WGA Strike News Digest.)

Which of five networks is said to have been forced to hire extra people to handle all the calls flooding in from angry fans demanding a fair deal for writers? Our source says an assistant to the CEO of the network's parent company contacted a fan site that posted the CEO's phone number and pleaded, "What do I have to do to get you people to stop this?"

...Heh heh heh.

...That being, of course, the title of William Goldman's second book about the trials and tribulations of working as a writer in Hollywood. But today, the video below (courtesy of United Hollywood) puts the title in a whole different light.

Let's be clear: writers are professional liars. And the first lesson I learned in this business was the importance of keeping those lies (in a screenplay, or a novel, or a comic, or a computer game...) in order, organized, and noncontradictory.

Plainly Big Media (as we must now call them, the Producers' Guild having gingerly started to put some distance between itself and the Huge Media Companies: you can just see the producers lifting their garments up to avoid the muck as they tiptoe away...) ...anyway, Big Media are not real good at keeping their lies straight at the moment. Specifically, the one about how the Internet is Too New for them to know if it's possible to make any money off it...and of course they therefore can't promise to give us any of it. They tell us that across the bargaining table, doubtless fighting to keep their faces straight. And then they go on TV and do... this.

I mean, really. (exasperated sigh)

...There's another fun video under the cut, here, too.) "Studio Execs Protest Unfairness of Striking Writers." ("We're the aggrieved parties here! We're under threat! I could lose two of my five homes!")

(Oh, BTW, YW.net users: Sorry for the brief interruption in service. A bounced-credit-card-charge message from our forum provider got missed. The Forums should be back online within the next 24 hours. YoungWizards.com is unaffected.)

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