The Wisdom of Dave Barry

[dianeduane]

...whose stuff I've always loved, especially the line about the new definition of "apostrophe":  "Look out, an S is coming!".  But these is so much good sense here that I've copied the whole thing. (And there's a link back to the source.)

Fourteen Things That It Took Me More Than 50 Years To Learn—by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

...Perfection. 

 

 

Comments

[bellinghman.livejournal.com]

With regard to the post-ultimate point: here!

9? Yes - because there is no good reason for it. Only insane people think Daylight Saving Time is a good idea - the doubly insane ones think we need double daylight saving time. Keep on, and we'll be celebrating Christmas in Mayhaving breakfast when the sun goes down.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

Christmas in May is a great idea! We may laud May for its floral attributes (particularly in contrast re April precipitation), but there's no denying a certain lack of holiday bonhomie brought on by its lack of (good) holidays. That's because they've puddled in December, cloyingly, like marshmallow fluff. The unhappy situation is compounded by a lack of Maytime gingerbread. A radical change in DST may be just what's wanted to turn this calendar around.