dianeduane | 30 Day OTP Challenge (Young Wizards), day 12: Making out

(Manual transcription, JD REDACTED XXXXXXXX.xxx - XXXXXXXX.xxx inclusive)

(record begins)

CKR: You keep fiddling with that.

JLC: Yeah… the record settings are way more involved than I thought. Way more involved than they used to be, anyway. I messed something up the other day.

CKR: Anything serious?

JLC: Not really… got lucky that time.

CKR: ...Up here again.

JLC: Yeah, seems smartest. We’ll have some warning in case Certain People start looking for us.

CKR: Like we have the slightest chance of escaping notice—

JLC: Didn’t say that. Some warning, though.

CKR: Fair enough.

(break in record)
(record resumes)

JLC: It wasn’t, though.

CKR: It kinda was.

JLC: Uh, not really.

CKR: Look, it’s not like you were trying to hide anything about it. You told me you two were kissing. It’s okay.

JLC: But it wasn’t making out.

CKR: I don’t mind if it was. You were under pressure.

JLC: Pressure didn’t have anything to do with it! And it really wasn’t making out.

CKR: Neets, honestly, it’s not a problem.

JLC: It is if you think making out means that we were intending for something else to happen. Because it wasn’t. And you think that’s what it means. I can tell.

CKR: Listen, really, it’s okay! It was a weird situation, bizarre stuff was going on, you weren’t—

JLC: Stop right there! I know what was happening!

CKR: Look. Sorry. I’m sorry, I just…

JLC: I just need a way to show you.

CKR: …don’t think it’s that important, but if you—

JLC: Wait. Wait.

(pause)

JLC: You know… this could work. Absolutely it could.

CKR: What?

JLC: (laughter) We can run it back and take a look at it.

CKR: (pause) Run what back?

JLC: When he and I kissed.

(pause)

CKR: You lost me. Exactly what are you saying?

JLC: Well, you possibly won’t have heard. I do have an in with a privileged source. But lately there are some new ways to get at information using the Manual…

CKR: Whoa, whoa, wait a moment! How would that ever be in the Manual?!

JLC: It’s always been there… or the raw data has. But there are new ways to get at it.

CKR: (pause) This is kinda bizarre. The Powers are usually so gung-ho about privacy issues.

JLC: Oh, They still are. Everything’s locked down so that you can’t get at it if you don’t have all the necessary permissions.

CKR: How did you find out about this? Bobo?

JLC: Actually, no. Closer to home.

CKR: Oh…my…God. No.

JLC: Yes.

CKR: Dairine. How did she ever—

JLC: Not her. The Mobiles. They’ve got this insane archival project going on…

CKR: What, to preserve for all time the immortal details of you two necking?!

JLC: (laughter)

CKR: I can’t believe I’m getting on board with this. So fine. What do we need to do?

JLC: Get Ronan up here.

CKR: …For what exactly?

JLC: Consent.

CKR: …What??

(break in record)
(record resumes)

JLC: See, that’s what you get. You okay?

CKR: Yeah, fine. Go on, make the call, no point in falling halfway down a mountain for nothing!

JLC: Not anything like halfway. Couldn’t have been more than—

CKR: Will you make the damn call already?

(break in record)
(record resumes)

CKR: There he comes.

JLC: That was quick. Where?

CKR: Down the ridge.

JLC: Yeah. The usual offset.

CKR: Is it me or is he putting on weight?

JLC: Looks like muscle. Did he say last time that he’d started doing weights?

CKR: Yeah. Something to do with the rugby.

JLC: He didn’t give up his thing with the weird club, did he?

CKR: The hurley? No chance. Hey Ro!

RHN: Hey yourself. I see you two are busy with your usual pastime of watching the rest of us live out our little antlike lives far below.

CKR: Yeah. Pull up a rock. …Weren’t busy, were you?

RHN: Just finished a job. Nothing exciting.

JLC: This from the man who said Taking In The Sea was no big deal. Don’t think I didn’t just see your precis update.

CKR: What’s he done now?

JLC: Here, get a load of this.

CKR: (pause) Did you just cause an earthquake?

RHN: Just a wee titchy one. Maybe some plates fell down off shelves in Howth… no worse than that. CalTech and the USGS’ll have it for their records if anyone gets suspicious.

CKR: …Nice. What did the people on the ferry think?

RHN: Mostly ‘Feck are we glad that this very localized tsunami came up and pushed us ashore at Ringsend without destroying our ship much.’

CKR: Jeez. What the hell are your power levels doing?

RHN: Still having some peak swings secondary to my roomer, that’s all. Suits me fine. At least I get something useful out of having him in my head moving the furniture around all that while.

CKR: Well, wow, you did good.

RHN: I guess. Ta much.

JLC: I’m just wondering how they’re going to explain it the rest of the way. That quake won’t have been enough.

RHN: Don’t be daft. It’s Ireland. We’ll blame it on the weather.

JLC, CKR: (laughter)

RHN: So what was this big thing you needed to talk to me about?

JLC: Not that big. Need some input, though.

RHN: About?

JLC: A discussion we were having.

RHN: Oh?

JLC: We were talking about making out.

(pause)

RHN: …Uh.

(break in record)
(record resumes)

RHN: Yeah, so you were telling me why you need me for this.

CKR: Well. It was a question of semantics, first.

RHN: Let me get this straight. You asked me to come up from Dublin… to the Moon… to discuss semantics. Of kissing.

JLC: Not just semantics. I want to review some material, and I was hoping you’d sanction it.

RHN: Sanction what?

JLC: Instant replay. …Well, not instant.

RHN: You lost me.

JLC: Remember when we kissed?

RHN: (pause) Which answer won’t make one of you clock me upside the head with a moon rock?

JLC, CKR: (laughter)

RHN: What the feck brought this on?

JLC: A difference of opinion.

CKR: Nosiness.

RHN: Uh, not feeling safe about this whole line of enquiry now, but moving on regardless…

JLC: It’s okay. See, there’s a recording…

RHN: Of us kissing? Not possible.

JLC: Not a recording as such. Except insofar as the universe passively records everything that happens inside it…

RHN: …You’re telling me we’re living inside the One’s Sky Plus box.

JLC: (pause) What?

CKR: TiVo.

JLC: Oh.

RHN: Seriously, you’re telling me you can play it back somehow?

JLC: Not playback exactly but—

RHN: Hey science queen, telling me what it’s not like is wasted effort. The direct approach, please.

JLC: Well, going by Dairine's explanation, it's got something to do with hyperstring structure and the Theory of Everything.

RHN: Oh please.

JLC: No, that’s what I thought at first. It’s a real term, though. This technology, it’s something the Mobiles have been implementing: this big project they started. She got all bogged down in technical stuff I didn’t understand, but it sounded like she—

RHN: Whoa whoa whoa, wait just a moment, did we hear history being made right here before us on this dusty rock? Did Miss Juanita Louise Callahan—

JLC: Dead, Ronan, you are about to be discorporated before your time.

RHN: —actually admit to not understanding some kind of technical stuff?

JLC: I really will kill you, you do understand that? You want to make history, fine. First human being to be killed on the Moon. You mentioned rocks? Let's try this one, it looks good—

CKR: Oh God.

RHN: (laughter) It’s pumice. Who the feck do you think you’re gonna kill with pumice?

JLC: Oh it is not pumice, please, are you blind?—some kind of basalt, probably got kicked up here out of one of the maria by an impact, and maybe it’s about to have another of those! Dairine never told you about the L word, she knows her life would be too short. It was Carmela, wasn’t it, how can she, oh God why can she not just keep her—

RHN: Not Carmela. Someone else. Too bad, your secret’s out for all the world to hear….

(SFX: rock being pounded against larger rock)

JLC: Aaaaaggghhh!

RHN: Feel better now?

JLC: No. And when I recover my composure—

RHN: Always an entertaining exercise, there are nuclear weapons with shorter fuses—

CKR: Will you two shut yourselves up for two seconds?

(pause)

CKR: Thank you. Jeez. … ‘It sounded like she’ what??

JLC: (pause) Uh. Like what the Mobiles were talking about was making this sort of gigantic backup.

RHN: What of?

JLC: Everything wizardly apparently.

RHN: So how is the two of us kissing wizardly?

JLC: Well, we’re both wizards!

RHN: Oh, give me a break! There had to be, I don’t know, thousands of wizards kissing right then!

JLC: But probably only one who had the One’s Champion living in his mental basement at the time. Which makes it really of historical interest, I think.

RHN: Not ‘historical’ as in banging me in the head with a rock, I take it.

JLC: Don’t assume you’re escaped yet. Anyway, parts of the explanation were way beyond me. In fact I think they were kind of beyond Dairine, or she hadn’t really spent much time getting her head around them. Because sometimes she made it sound like the Mobiles were trying not just to back up everything wizardly, but just… everything.

RHN: Everything?

JLC: In the universe.

RHN: What…? All the information?

CKR: Or all the thought?

RHN: All the matter?

JLC: I think maybe all those.

(pause)

CKR: …How in the One’s name do you back up everything?

JLC: I have no idea. I keep meaning to ask her about it, but she’s not home a lot right now, and other stuff keeps happening…

CKR: You'd have to make a whole new universe...

RHN: So anyway. This recording…

CKR: Wow.

JLC: Seems like wherever there’s a manual, it makes a kind of imprint or marker on local space, and this kind of record can be made.

RHN: But no one can see it.

JLC: Only the participants, if they give consent. And anybody else they consent to allow to see it.

RHN: Seriously.

JLC: Yeah.

(pause)

JLC: Well?

(pause)

RHN: How are you about this?

CKR: She told me about it.

RHN: Not the kissing itself. I know she told you about that. And anyway, you know I already knew you knew.

CKR: Oh God, stop, too complicated already. So?

RHN: If she’s okay with it, I’m okay with it.

CKR: Okay.

RHN: You sure?

CKR: Look, why do you keep asking me? I didn’t kiss you.

RHN: Maybe that’s a shame. Maybe you don’t know what you’re missing.

CKR (to JLC): Maybe you want to hand me that rock.

JLC: (laughter)

RHN: So what we have to do?

JLC: Nothing. It’s here, in the manual. It heard you: the permission’s in. It’s cued up. Now we just roll it. Ready?

RHN: Yeah.

CKR: Yeah.

[ERROR: Permissions failure. Secondary playback is embargoed in this format due to insufficient permissions level or number. Please check your permissions module and try again.]

CKR: Would you pause this a minute? …You know, this is kinda weird.

RHN: What, you mean sitting on the bloody Moon watching yourself in a porno?

JLC, CKR: (laughter)

CKR: This is not porn! These are just two people staring at each other in the dark!

RHN: After one of them slags me off with a flamethrower, yeah. God you were brutal.

JLC: Oh, come on, it wasn’t that bad.

RHN: Maybe for you. I was kinda raw at that point.

CKR: You? Admitting to raw?

RHN: I don’t mind it now. It got better.

CKR: Anyway, how is it porn when all you’ve got here is two people just sort of looking at each other longingly with their tongues hanging out?

JLC: Cut it out! There were no tongues.

RHN: But I think I see what you mean about the weirdness.

CKR: (laughter) What, besides you thinking it’s porn?

RHN: No it is not porn, shut up, I concede the fecking point already. It’s what bothers me in bad TV shows. Where’s the camera?

JLC: I told you. There were manuals on site. No, I know, don’t start. Manuals or equivalent instrumentalities… your Knowledge thing. Where there’s a manual, or equivalent, there’s sort of a node that can make a record of what’s going on in local reality. It’s some kind of string structure business: pluck the string in one place, it vibrates somewhere else.

CKR: Oh God. Quantum mechanics again.

JLC: Yeah. Maybe the cats might be better to ask for the details: they work with strings on the gates all the time. They’d know.

RHN: Given a choice between asking Rhiow and asking your sister? Rhiow every time. Where were we again?

JLC: Watching us kiss.

[ERROR: Permissions failure. Secondary playback is embargoed in this format due to insufficient permissions level or number. Please check your permissions module and try again.]

CKR: So this doesn’t constitute making out?

RHN: Nope.

CKR: Meaning you weren’t thinking about doing anything more? Anything after?

RHN: (pause) Hadn’t crossed my mind. I was just kind of amazed that it was happening right then.

JLC: And not necking.

RHN: What?

CKR: Necking.

RHN: Haven’t heard the term.

JLC: Kissing for a long time.

CKR: Like in a car, when you’re parking. Or on the couch when nobody’s home.

RHN: Done much of that?

CKR: Oh please. I have two older sisters. You have no idea how glad I was when Helena finally went to college. Half the time when the parents were out, the living room sounded like, oh, God never mind. I’d nearly forgotten.

RHN: Parking?

JLC: Going somewhere scenic to neck.

CKR: Or make out.

RHN: The definitions are getting dangerously circular now. Better roll it again.

[ERROR: Permissions failure. Secondary playback is embargoed in this format due to insufficient permissions level or number. Please check your permissions module and try again.]

CKR: But there. See, you grabbed hold of him—

JLC: He started it.

RHN: I was falling off the fence.

JLC: Oh, and that’s my fault somehow.

RHN: Yes, yes it was. What? Would you rather I said, ‘No, she kissed me and it had no effect whatsoever, thanks for playing’? Look, here, here’s the rock. Talk among yourselves and sort it out. I’ll just sit here, don’t mind me.

(pause)

JLC: Let’s call it mutual.

RHN: Thank you very much. Continue.

[ERROR: Permissions failure. Secondary playback is embargoed in this format due to insufficient permissions level or number. Please check your permissions module and try again.]

RHN: Okay, it’s clear. Definitely not making out. It might be snogging. Timing’s pretty iffy, though.

CKR: What?

RHN: You saw the timer running. That didn’t even last thirty seconds.

JLC: Felt like longer.

RHN: Relativity. Ever heard of Einstein’s Stove? A snog is, like, three minutes minimum.

JLC: I’m not so sure.

RHN: How are you defining terms all of a sudden? Had you even heard that word before I used it just now?

JLC: Excuse me, I watch Dr. Who. He said he’d just snogged Madame Pompadour. That was even shorter than this. Ten seconds maybe.

RHN: Let’s keep the fictional characters out of this, shall we?

CKR: Um.

RHN: Besides, the other thing with a snog is that it’s more for pleasure. This was just both of us being freaked out, I think.

JLC: Well, yeah. You were so vulnerable. And kinda cute that way.

RHN: And you were all fierce even though you were unnerved. And kinda cute that way.

CKR: So…

RHN: Reassurance.

JLC: And experimentation.

RHN: Yeah. Comfort smooch, undifferentiated type.

JLC: With added One’s Champion. God was I shocked. Any comfort, boy, it went right out the window when I found out who else was in there.

RHN: Yeah, roll that. Kind of funny in retrospect.

[ERROR: Permissions failure. Secondary playback is embargoed in this format due to insufficient permissions level or number. Please check your permissions module and try again.]

RHN: (laughter) Janey mack, look at me go.

JLC: I’m so sorry… I really didn’t mean for that to happen.

RHN: Wasn’t you I was reacting to. The damn Spear: it was like having it stuck in your arse.

CKR: There’s an image I won’t soon forget.

RHN: I’ll be remembering it a lot longer, believe me.

(pause)

RHN: So what’s the verdict? Have we got consensus?

JLC: Comfort kissing.

RHN: Borderline snog at best.

CKR: But okay, not making out.

RHN: Great, he concurs. Are we done now? Can I go back to my humdrum life?

CKR: Oh, yeah, Mr. I Made The Earth Move.

RHN: The sea floor anyway. And don’t you forget it.

JLC: Can’t wait to see the write-up on that.

CKR: And the environmental impact justification they’re gonna make you file.

RHN: Which I am already late for, due to being called up to Lunar orbit for the absolute weirdest consult of my life. Thanks a million.

CKR, JLC: (laughter)

RHN: Always pushing the boundaries, you two.

JLC: You say that as if it’s a bad thing.

RHN: No. Not at all. Kind of what we do, isn’t it? But some of us excel.

CKR: That almost sounded like a compliment.

RHN: Don’t get cocky. I’ve got the rock. (pause) Anyway, I’m outa here. Had people to see before the damn ferry started taking water. They really have to find better technology for those doors.

JLC: Anybody I know?

RHN: Some of the chicken-shop crew.

JLC: Give them my best.

RHN: Will do. Dai stihó, you two. Stay out of trouble.

CKR: What are the odds?

RHN: Please. I know you too well. Oh Kit, don’t forget, schedule change on the Big Game next week.

CKR: I saw the calendar change. No problem.

RHN: Right. Later!

(pause)

CKR: That it?

JLC: Yeah. Save out.

Participants: Callahan, J.L., Rodriguez, C.K., Nolan, R.H. (III)