The things you find when you least expect them

[dianeduane]

Instant badfic. Just add adjectives. (And a few other parts of speech.)

The Lunatic Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Nita strode along the path, making for Hardy Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Amazing Hippopotamus, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Eye.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her abundant chicken just in time to face the terrible man who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.

The man struck utterly, and Nita barely raised her chicken to meet the attack. They fought long and unhappily until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Nita found herself forced to one knee, the man's chicken pressed to her naive nose. "I am Ronan of Hardy Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Amazing Hippopotamus. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you across the street."

But Nita had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her chicken with a twist, overpowered Ronan and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Nita said, looking down upon him.

Ronan's leg shimmered like waves rushing to the shore. "I have underestimated you, Nita. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Nita's desire was enflamed. Her nose throbbed and all her thoughts were to whack Ronan like a coelocanth. Nita caressed Ronan's wicked leg and he responded. They came together indubitably, and their joining was as resplendent as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet banana!" Nita groaned and whacked Ronan as bizarrrely as she could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Nita said. "That's where I put the Amazing Hippopotamus for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed desperately on the grass, forgetful of all but their fragrant love. "We will stay together forever," Ronan said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Eye never got the Amazing Hippopotamus and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

UH huh.

Comments

[jaebird.livejournal.com]

"Ah, my sweet banana" O.o;
Abundant chicken?
I'm not sure if I was reading a strange sex fic or someone accidentally combined their shopping list with their fanfic.

Though I would so use a rubber chicken in a fight.

[come-love-sleep.livejournal.com]

THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING

[ladysmith.livejournal.com]

Why is someone playing Mad-libs with the Wizardry books?

[eavanmoore.livejournal.com]

LOL. It's like one of those dreams from which you wake up thinking, "What the *hell* was my subconscious trying to tell me?" But so much worse.

[miss-next.livejournal.com]

*splorf*

[nallac.livejournal.com]

I don't think I will ever be able to read another of the young wizard books, without this disturbing scene floating in front of my eyes.

[replica.livejournal.com]

*snerk* that was awesome, in a badfic kinda way.

[particle-person.livejournal.com]

I was feeling rather groggy until I read this post. One line in particular woke me in a hurry:

and all her thoughts were to whack Ronan like a coelocanth

*dies*

[bunnyk.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

[terrylj.livejournal.com]

It's not just every author who writes her own badfic. Gotta love that.

[tortoises.livejournal.com]

That's just adorable. I love Nita/Ronan!

[wondergecko.livejournal.com]

IAGW terrylj.

My best moment playing with that thing was generating badfic that sounded suspiciously like...well, actual, taking-itself-seriously badfic from my fandom-of-choice.

[ashnistrike.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I now have something to threaten my characters with when they won't cooperate.

[raininglight7.livejournal.com]

Woww....that makes me giggle, a lot.